{"id":350,"date":"2012-10-14T01:37:21","date_gmt":"2012-10-14T01:37:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.turtlepointpress.com\/traveltainted\/?p=350"},"modified":"2015-03-15T13:02:14","modified_gmt":"2015-03-15T17:02:14","slug":"excerpt-from-talking-cures-new-poems-by-richard-howard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.turtlepointpress.com\/traveltainted\/excerpt-from-talking-cures-new-poems-by-richard-howard\/","title":{"rendered":"Excerpt from Talking Cures, New Poems by Richard Howard"},"content":{"rendered":"

Five Communications<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>STRAYED IN TRANSLATION\u00a0<\/p>\n

April 15, 2002<\/em><\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Gordon S. Nakamura, CEO<\/p>\n

Takara-Goldstein Products International,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Osaka. Dear Mr Nakamura:<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

Two weeks ago I obtained your product dE-BARK<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0and attempted to obey the obscure<\/p>\n

and for the most part inscrutable instructions<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to the best of my ability. But<\/p>\n

even as I struggled to find the meaning of those<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0cryptic phrases, I had to ask myself<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

how Takara-Goldstein hopes to convey canine sense<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0if the human version is so abstruse\u2014<\/p>\n

admittedly, in translation from a Japanese source.<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0However, I refused to be daunted<\/p>\n

by shaky grammatical constructions (not<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0just shaky but actually collapsed)<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

and some (deliberately?) misleading diagrams:<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0arrows pointing nowhere, dotted lines where<\/p>\n

mystery prevailed. Of course I persevered,<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0but had to say, have met with No Success<\/p>\n

using the device you so confidently propose<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to \u201cpuzzled dog-owners\u201d. Yet rather<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

than complain, I prefer offering one or two<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0positive suggestions which you may find<\/p>\n

helpful in future transactions with your customers.<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0It seems to me (and to my husband Tom)<\/p>\n

that even though T-G\u2019s digital structure is sound,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0the software you are using with it for<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

bark-recognition leaves a great deal to be desired.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0If I am to explain this criticism<\/p>\n

properly, though, I must take a step or two back;<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I feel it necessary to describe<\/p>\n

the state of affairs\u2014perhaps the \u201clife-style?\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0which led my husband and me to try<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

dE-BARK. Both of us work (and work on the garden)<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0at home in rural Connecticut, where<\/p>\n

a dog is our sole and assiduous companion;<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0we have a good deal of acreage and<\/p>\n

are likely to be dogged (if you will permit the pun)<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0from compost-heap to rose-garden by<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

our hyper-active and really hyper-expressive<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0brindle Manchester Terrier bitch<\/p>\n

(Tom of course insists that we belong to her). Indeed<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0we had to name her Hinda for the way<\/p>\n

she obstructs us on all occasions (Tom would add:<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0for the recurrent costive episodes).<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

Now Hinda\u2019s response to every provocation<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0is vociferous, both indoors and out,<\/p>\n

so of course I assumed a product of the kind<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0you advertise so plausibly would prove<\/p>\n

useful. You claim, based on the signals a dog \u201cemits\u201d,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0that this hand-held battery-powered device<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

will match sounds of all sorts, but especially barks, with<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0every digital pattern stored in it,<\/p>\n

deciphering even howls, growls, low snarls, and high yelps<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0as six \u201cfeelings\u201d: self-expression, alarm,<\/p>\n

and frustration, then appetite, sadness, and desire.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Well, such generalities may apply<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

to Japanese dogs, or even to dogs in Japan,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0but constant intercourse with Hinda<\/p>\n

has convinced me that you have not calibrated<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0your product\u2019s program with appropriate<\/p>\n

(not to say accurate) translations. For example,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0for one type of bark your device displays<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

as pertinent words: How Boring. Now I ask you,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0dear Mr. Nakamura, could even<\/p>\n

the most cursory attention paid to barking dogs<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0qualify these words as self-expression?<\/p>\n

Long experience affords me a much likelier<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0rendering: I Don\u2019t Know Why I\u2019m Barking!<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

a frequent canine expression any dog-owner<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0will recognize as universal, though<\/p>\n

as a matter of fact, there are no universals in<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0the world of canine feelings, or elsewhere,<\/p>\n

I suspect; barking, like human speech, refers to<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0specific instances, special incidents.<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

What dE-BARK regards, for example, as frustration<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0or in some diapasons as desire<\/p>\n

had much better be rendered as: Oh, There Goes a Cat!<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0It is far from my intention, of course,<\/p>\n

to replace your entire program of digital<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0patterning with our Hinda\u2019s lexicon;<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

I wish merely to suggest, having got nowhere with<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0the present software of dE-BARK\u2019s program,<\/p>\n

the possibility of a more reliable<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0language-version of barking behavior.<\/p>\n

You will, I am sure, concur (and indeed, to digress<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0for a moment, might not ConCUR provide<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

a wider concept and a somewhat catchier name<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0for your product whatever the final<\/p>\n

form a revised version of it might take? Just a thought!)<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u2014concur that sadness is more tellingly<\/p>\n

recast as the human phrasing of original<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0canine sentiment by an outcry<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

or outburst something like: Oh, the Cat\u2019s Getting Away!<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0and that such a nebulous notion as<\/p>\n

appetite is much more clearly focused by the words:<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Drop That, Drop That: I\u2019ll Eat It!<\/p>\n

Furthermore, drama plays such an inveterate<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0role in a dog\u2019s life that it seems almost<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

a betrayal of trust to let such a tired word as<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0alarm represent what barking conveys<\/p>\n

in actuality: You Don\u2019t Belong Here: Get Out!<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I offer such interpretations as<\/p>\n

no more than a start, Mr. Nakamura, but a start<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0based on close and continuous study<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

of the canine idiom it is T-G\u2019s declared<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0mandate to transform into human terms.<\/p>\n

Though I am disappointed by dE-BARK\u2019s present-day<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0performance, I know real improvements lie<\/p>\n

within reach, of that I am certain, and it would be<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0a privilege as well as a pleasure<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

to have some small share in their realization,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0if you find that my recommendations<\/p>\n

(I have others, of course) possess sufficient merit.<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Should further consultation be desired,<\/p>\n

I (and my husband of course, not to mention Hinda)<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0will be delighted to hear from you or<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

perhaps from some more specialized member of your staff.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Meanwhile, since we should like you to regard<\/p>\n

us as your colleagues\u2014collaborators or at least<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0confederates in progress\u2014you must not<\/p>\n

dream of refunding the $104<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0which dE-BARK costs in the United States<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

(as you surely know in your capacity as<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0T-G\u2019s Chief Executive Officer).<\/p>\n

Faithfully yours,<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0Annabelle (Mrs. Thomas) Eden<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

TWO WAYS TO SKIN A CATALOGUE<\/p>\n

April 27, 2002<\/em><\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Mrs. Thomas Eden and Family<\/p>\n

Wewauka Brook, Bridgewater, Connecticut<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Dear Mrs. Eden, My superior,<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

Mr. Nakamura, has assigned me the honor<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0of replying to your recent letter.<\/p>\n

What you have to say is of great interest to us, for<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Takara-Goldstein International<\/p>\n

is always concerned to improve the products offered<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to our customers, and in those cases<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

where amelioration is impossible, we hope<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to afford satisfaction in other<\/p>\n

areas. Please find enclosed our check to the amount<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0of $104 (Company<\/p>\n

Policy, alas, forbids refunding postage for<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0unsolicited communications),<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

along with our sincerest regret that you have been<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0disappointed with the performance of<\/p>\n

dE-BARK, which is of course the most recent<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0item in our extensive catalogue<\/p>\n

(which I enclose as well) of gear designed for dogs and<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0dog-lovers. dE-BARK is in fact so new<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

that yours is the first comment sent from our customers<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0abroad. Our Japanese clients, meanwhile,<\/p>\n

continue expressing the most enthusiastic reactions,<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0and I venture to suggest, Mrs. Eden,<\/p>\n

that a certain national, perhaps even racial<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0discrepancy accounts for the problem<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

you mention with regard to dE-BARK\u2019s six translations;<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0a certain native restraint, I believe,<\/p>\n

is answerable for the abstractions you deplore<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0in the \u201cmessages\u201d your dE-BARK presents.<\/p>\n

I do not mean that Japanese pets are more repressed<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0than Manchester Terriers or than any<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

other dogs owned by Americans (which must include<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0some of our Japanese breeds, after all),<\/p>\n

but merely that our versions of canine expression<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0(as manifested in dE-BARK\u2019s software)<\/p>\n

are more likely than not to be generated by<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0the Japanese mode of organizing<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

any and all evidence of affective conduct<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0into group compulsions, group essentials . . .<\/p>\n

And I should guess, Mrs. Eden, that your decoding<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0of Hinda\u2019s barks is to a like degree<\/p>\n

the characteristic consequence of your own<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0civil endowment, the American Way<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

of prizing comportment precisely as it appears<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to be individual. These are merely<\/p>\n

speculations, of course, but until we have further<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0confirmation from customers abroad,<\/p>\n

we cannot modify our software, I am sorry<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to say, in accord with your suggestions;<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

in the meantime, on behalf of Takara-Goldstein,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0please accept Mr. Nakamura\u2019s and<\/p>\n

my own best wishes for the happiness of your whole<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0family\u2014I include Hinda, of course\u2014<\/p>\n

and our admiration for your acute discernment<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0of the dog\u2019s actual meanings expressed<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

in her barking, however improperly you find<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0dE-BARK has construed them. Yours, M. Ito,<\/p>\n

First Vice-President in Charge of Public Relations.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

IN-HOUSE MEMO<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Re: Eden complaint.<\/p>\n

From: M. Ito To: G. Nakamura Gordon darling,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0this will have to do. I am hindered<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

(irresistible word!) from functioning more cogently<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0for you by my personal conviction<\/p>\n

the impossible woman is absolutely right.<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I know, I know: according to the line<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve handed her, the Japanese, even Japanese Vice-<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Presidents, don\u2019t want to have personal<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

anythings. Please forgive me for resorting to<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0all that collective Shinto bullshit\u2014<\/p>\n

it\u2019s hard to make much of a case when you\u2019re convinced<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0otherwise. You know damn well how the dogs<\/p>\n

react when you honor me by spending the night:<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Tina barks and Turner growls, and that\u2019s not<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

self-expression, that\u2019s You\u2019re lying in our bed: now leave!<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Maybe they don\u2019t beg the way Hinda does<\/p>\n

(terriers are so abject), but you yourself told me<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0my griffons were saying: Give us that fugu,<\/p>\n

we\u2019ll risk it! There\u2019s Samurai virtue! And I suspect<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0you like the way Samurai virtue ends . . .<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

Once they get outside, we both know they\u2019re insisting:<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Get us that kitty, we need that kitty! . . .<\/p>\n

Well, it\u2019s too late to revise dE-BARK for the Edens,<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0but what if we started on a reverse<\/p>\n

software\u2014you know, translating the right remarks<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0into how dogs put it . . . M-BARK, maybe?<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

Meet me at the Red Setter after six, and we\u2019ll try<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0some digital structures that might keep<\/p>\n

Tina and Turner off the bed with a few telling<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0barks. (Bet we could sell that to Annabelle!)<\/p>\n

Are you game? From the bottom of my (collective) heart<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I remain your (singular) Masako.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

REASSURANCE<\/p>\n

June 1, 2002<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Dear Miss Ito\u2014as I know you to be,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0for although you signed<\/p>\n

yourself with no more than a genderless initial,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0a mere glance at the impressive column<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0of vice-presidents<\/p>\n

down the left side of Takara-Goldstein\u2019s equally<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0impressive stationery was enough<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to enable me<\/p>\n

to make out your given name as well, and after that<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0a few moments of research on the web<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0(how persevering<\/p>\n

I can be you must already realize) sufficed<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to make manifest that in Japanese<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0the onomastics<\/p>\n

of \u201cMisako\u201d are invariably feminine\u2014<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0though it must be said that if I could decode<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0the instruction-sheet<\/p>\n

for dE-BARK, such deductions were \u201celementary,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0my dear Miss Ito\u201d, as Holmes might put it\u2014<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0thank you very much<\/p>\n

for your letter, the supererogatory check,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0and the catalogue. It is the latter<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0which concerns me now,<\/p>\n

though I do admire what you call your speculations;<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I believe you\u2019ve put your finger on some<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0characteristic<\/p>\n

and crucial divisions in our national mores;<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I don\u2019t in fact consider myself a<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0representative<\/p>\n

American, any more than you, dear Miss Ito,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0would choose to pass for a typical<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Japanese woman<\/p>\n

(though I could be mistaken about this assumption,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0for that initial M of yours might well<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0express what you have<\/p>\n

identified as a \u201cgroup compulsion\u201d). But really,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0don\u2019t all of us like to think of ourselves<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0as exceptional?<\/p>\n

Even Hinda does, as I was getting round to saying,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0and that is why I am now ordering<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0item 19V<\/p>\n

from your intriguing catalogue (my check is enclosed).<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Unlike dE-BARK, which had to translate<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0canine expression<\/p>\n

into human terms not only approximate but,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0as I was obliged to discover, quite<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0fallacious, \u201cFLEECE-BOY\u201d<\/p>\n

strikes me as entirely capable of conveying<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0human meanings accurately to dogs.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Though once again, dear<\/p>\n

Miss Ito, I must point out that the prose employed to<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0describe some items in your catalogue<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0is virtually<\/p>\n

perverse in its ambiguity (when it is not<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0downright misleading), but<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0if I correctly<\/p>\n

understand the curious text accompanying<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0the photograph\u2014of an adorable<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Akita (it is<\/p>\n

an Akita, isn\u2019t it?) with FLEECE-BOY in its mouth?\u2014<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0one\u2019s own dog, when home alone and lonely,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0would similarly<\/p>\n

resort to FLEECE-BOY for comfort? Whereupon, nestled<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0inside the toy, a recordable chip would<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0be activated<\/p>\n

to communicate with the dog in my own voice?<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0So that each time we had to leave Hinda<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I could re-record<\/p>\n

the identical chip with whatever message might<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0seem appropriate for the occasion\u2014<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0have I got that right?<\/p>\n

I certainly hope so, for FLEECE-BOY (if this is indeed<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0what he can do) sounds like the answer to<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0our difficulties:<\/p>\n

as I believe I mentioned in my earlier letter<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Hinda, though at six hardly a puppy,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0is hyper-active<\/p>\n

and when left alone tends to demolish anything<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0she can find to chew up around the house.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0You will understand,<\/p>\n

therefore, and perhaps even sympathize with our zeal<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to leave a first message for Hinda;<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I am confident<\/p>\n

that if I can leave a chip inside FLEECE-BOY saying<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0in a voice the dog actually knows,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t Do That, Hinda!<\/p>\n

Good Dog! We\u2019ll Be Home Soon\u201d, my husband and I<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0might look forward, on those occasions when<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0both of us must be<\/p>\n

away, to a less chaotic household situation<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0thanks to FLEECE-BOY, Takara-Goldstein and<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0most of all to you,<\/p>\n

dear Miss Ito, with our warmest greetings as well,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Yours,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Annabel (Mrs. Thomas) Eden and<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0unquestionably<\/p>\n

Hinda. My husband has some ideas of his own<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0concerning FLEECE-BOY as well as dE-BARK<\/p>\n

and tells me he will<\/p>\n

be in touch with you and \/ or Mr. Nakamura<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0independently (which sounds ominous<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0but I am certain<\/p>\n

his points, whatever they are, will be of interest).<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Again, my appreciation for all<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0you have done. A.E.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

THE APODOSIS<\/p>\n

June 20, 2002<\/em><\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Miss Ito: My wife Annabelle, from whom<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0you received, in recent months,<\/p>\n

two letters, I think, as well as orders for<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0items manufactured by<\/p>\n

your employers, has given me your name<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0and Mr. Nakamura\u2019s,<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

though not the correspondence\u2014she insists<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0confidentiality<\/p>\n

must prevail between purveyor and purchaser.<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0I proceed, consequently,<\/p>\n

at a certain disadvantage, though hardly<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0for the first time (there have been<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

similar occasions, I can assure you),<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0with my appeal, though perhaps<\/p>\n

the more trenchantly for that very reason . . .<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Please do not accept further<\/p>\n

occasions for correspondence with my wife,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0however advantageous<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

such communications may appear to your<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0firm\u2019s commercial interests.<\/p>\n

To do so would only encourage her in<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0the singular delusion<\/p>\n

which from time to time besets her existence,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0though when not provoked by these . . .<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

occasions, intermitting almost wholly<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0(I assume you have observed<\/p>\n

how coherent and indeed how eloquent<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Annabelle can be, even<\/p>\n

in the grip of her obsession, or perhaps<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0especially under such<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

circumstances). Not since 1968,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0when Hinda was run over<\/p>\n

in the driveway, before our very eyes,<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0have we had a dog. But when,<\/p>\n

by an inopportune circumstance, my wife<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0hears of some device likely<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

to rouse those fond associations of hers,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0she regresses (or perhaps<\/p>\n

it is really a sort of forward impulse)<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to the days when poor Hinda<\/p>\n

was our problem and of course our pride as well;<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0in consequence we acquire<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

a good many (rather expensive) items<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0which serve no purpose except<\/p>\n

to distress my wife (who refuses, of course,<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to allow me to purchase<\/p>\n

another dog of any breed whatever).<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Therefore I must implore you,<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

Miss Ito, whatever the provocation,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0not to respond to any<\/p>\n

further inquiries or orders for purchase<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0from my wife. Your compliance<\/p>\n

will return our household, I have no doubt, to<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0its wonted train of events<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

and restore Annabelle to herself once more,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0an identity for which<\/p>\n

you have my heartfelt thanks, even in advance.<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Please extend my gratitude<\/p>\n

to Mr. Nakamura who I believe<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0played some part in the drama<\/p>\n


<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

of this distressing phantasmagoria.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0In hopes of recovery<\/p>\n

I remain,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0yours very truly,<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Tom Eden<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0(Turtle Point Press ISBN 1-885586-70-1)<\/strong><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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\n and attempted to obey the obscure
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